Monday, November 05, 2007

Leisure and Work

November just started and I’ve already done some end-of-year reflection. Actually it was some health-indulged reflection. Last year, while I was working on my short animated film project (which was my graduation film) I thought as soon as the film was finished I would seek some job in the film industry as an animator. Unfortunately my college decided to make things difficult and it took me another year to finish the film.

Meanwhile I couldn’t work because the film was demanding my full time, but since my college classes were already over I was feeling a sloth for staying home and not making any money out of my education. It was when I got an opportunity in a TV commercials production. One week job and I was already crying myself to sleep. I was working fifteen hours a day and one day I worked eighteen hours straight with people angry at each other, screaming around me and at me. I got so nervous in the set that suddenly I felt sick and ended up in an infirmary. That was the first sign that I wasn’t cut out to that kind of life, but I didn’t notice at the time.

I quit and the next day I gave my résumé to a language school. I started teaching English and Italian just a few hours a week and so I had time to work on my movie and I could make some good money as well. My goal became an animation course in Italy. I had to get enough money to pay for the course. Another idea helped me strengthen up my plan; I started studying my family documents and I found out I had the rights to get an European citizenship as I explained in an older post.

It was in August that I realized that Jack was right in the movie The Shining. All work and no fun made me a very dull girl. Dull and sick. I think I bit off more than I could chew, but I had decided I would work that out. I started accepting more and more classes and when I realized I was working twelve or thirteen hours a day again. At least I was smart enough to not get any classes on Friday so I have a free day to go work on the movie, to write something or to just sleep in. I think that this is what saved me from giving up sooner than I expected.

It has been months since I’ve gone out with my friends; months since I went to the movies and months since I could call myself healthy. I think the stress is causing me this sickness, after all I feel suffocated in that school. I hate to teach, I hate to have the coordinators watching my every single class through cameras and not allowing me to teach the students my own way.

I’ve been feeling tired, I’ve been having sore throat after sore throat, I’ve been having breathing problems (I cannot sleep without medicine! I wake up several times during the night trying to breath through my mouth) and recently, I’ve been having blood pressure problems. The warm weather does not help a girl who has a natural low blood pressure (that school is so bloody hot and claustrophobic) and so a week ago I simply passed out in the middle of the class I was teaching. Another day I felt my throat closing up and started hyperventilating and I was shaking so hard I could barely stand up straight.

In July I started working as a model whenever I had a free time and they encouraged me to get my teeth fixed. I had to take all my third molars off… and I’ve done the surgeries on Fridays… I didn’t know it would hurt so badly. The first two weren’t exactly a piece of cake, but everything went well and I went home dizzy and bloody. In three days the pain was practically gone and I could chew again. It took me a month to work the courage to take the other two. It was two ago and I already had my blood pressure problems. Guess what? I almost died. The morphine was too much and I almost ended up in an ER. The pain was unbearable, but I would rather not talk about it.

And so I decided to take some time to relax whenever I could get it. The problem is that I don’t have time! I was able to squeeze an opera in my schedule last Sunday. I was overwhelmed by it. I’ve always wanted to watch an opera and Aida was just the perfect one. The maestro was fantastic and I still dream of Amnerís voice! The best part was that I understood everything even in that old italian! I was so proud of myself. Friday was a holiday and I was able to make a quick trip to the countryside with my parents and some friends. I felt a bit more relaxed by the pool talking to my friends, but heaven never lasts.

I can’t work in things that don’t give me pleasure. I just can’t. I don’t want to be stressed and sick the rest of my life. I want to draw! I want to be an artist and next year I decided I will drop teaching and start another college. It will give me time to work as a freelance artist.

Today I took my time to look for my old drawings. Rainy Sundays are good to go through old boxes.





These were obviously done during some class in high school. I didn't draw that well then, but I think they are funny.





The last one was my gerbil, Juninho.





These were my Disney tryouts.




And these I made for fun two years ago.

I miss having the time to draw. Well, maybe next time I'll post something new I've done. Who knows? There's a huge holiday coming and that means a bit of free time.