Sunday, October 23, 2011

About Parents

I changed jobs; I love every minute of my new work. I’m barely seeing people at home and I’m barely sitting down in front of my computer. This is so strange. I thought I’d go crazy if I spent a day away from the Internet and suddenly… I’m feeling crazy if I stay home too long.

That’s pretty much the premise I’ve been discussing in my therapy. I’m giving up on my life at home. I’m not counting on my parents for anything anymore. I’m just going and doing it.
Is it what ‘go with the flow’ means? I’m feeling like I’m breaking free of a prison I didn’t know I was living in. They may judge every corner I turn, but I won’t stop turning it just because they wrinkled their nose in disapproval.

I hate saying it, but I just realized their not the best parents in the world. While my dad is so alienated with church he can’t barely keep a subject without avoiding the word of his god (pushing away our best friends- of years - of different religions) and all the depressed talk that one day his god will give him money again…; my mom will just nod and try to play the good submissive wife that never disagrees with him fearing she’ll end up a divorced old woman.

I used to ask opinions and do as they said, but their answers were always ‘don’t do this.’ ‘Don’t go out today,’ ‘you’re not good enough’ ‘I hate that dress, change it.’ ‘You’re not a good driver.’ So much negativism! I’m never good enough, I’m never courageous enough, I’m way too feminist, I’m way too skinny, I’m way too fat, I’m so insane because I go to therapy!

You know what? I’ve never been happier and I realized it’s because I’m away from them. They may not be the complete cause of my depression and low self-esteem, but they certainly aren’t part of my treatment.

8 comments:

Louco said...

Glad to hear that! ^^ You know, it's the first time I actually like your idea of therapy.

New job, new view of life... You're doing fine, girl ^^ As in that Johnny Walker's ad, keep walking!

Best wishes from otouto! ~_^

P.S: e-mail is about to go.

Vivi said...

I miss talking to you!!!!!!

Louco said...

Alas, you won't believe that. I was in page 121 of 146 on our email and now, some important file from windows is gone! My computer refuses to even start working!

But I miss talking to you, myself. Tell you what, I guess I'l make one of those facebook accounts you've been mentioning; we wouldn't miss touch so long if I did so, isn't it?


See ya, my lil sis. It's been a long time...

Louco said...

I can confirm now, nee-chan; at around 13:45 of October 27th, the year of our Lord of 2011, my computer has exhaled its last breath. It shall be missed by all of us who loved and cared about it, and wish it can find its well earned respite, while we try to find solace in the company of friends...

(being really honest, I'm just convinced now that its a hardware/malware problem. I've just tried to install the third different version of windows at it, and the message 'pfn list corrupt' appeared again in the frightful blue screen of death. I mean, if it 'was' a virus causing the whole problem, as long as I know, it should've been erased in its third crash down, shouldn't it?)

I'll do something about our e-mail, dear nee-chan... but I'm afraid I'll have to buy a new computer. I'm using mom's laptop and she's swell with me using it, but all the same, I don't have my own space, you know what I mean.

Kisses, dear lil sis. If I intend to buy another pc, I should try and get some more money, huh? ~_^

Vivi said...

Otouto querido, vá até uma loja de manutenção com a sua CPU e peça pra eles salvarem o seu HD ou você perderá o email e todos os seus arquivos. Não instale nada antes de salvar o HD. Pede ajuda pro seu amigo Antero que tenho certeza que ele faz isso. Não vá recomeçar a responder tudo outra vez, hein!

louco said...

... Eu sou capaz de jurar que deixei uma resposta aqui ontem... -_-'

Ah, é, vc tem que aprovar, né...?

Vivi said...

Já aprovei todos, ué. O que você precisa me dizer?

Louco said...

Eita, então alguém ou alguma coisa comeu minha resposta anterior... -_-' Peraí, o que eu tinha dito mesmo...?

Bão, que seja, o que eu sei é que eu já tinha tentado reconfigurar a coisa instalando o back up do laptop da minha mãe (essas versões novas do windows costumam salvar uma 'cópia fantasma' do windows anterior quando são instalados por cima... mas acho que não funcionava pro xp. Pior, continuou dando erro mesmo enquanto eu tentava instalar; simplesmente não completava).

Além disso, acho que mama e papai já despacharam a CPU antiga. Por essas e outras, otouto vai ter que seguir o caminho mais longo... -_-'

Mals, nee-chan...