Monday, February 25, 2013

Learning with Relationships



My first victory in all my 27 years of history was conquering a boyfriend after hearing continuously my mom saying that nobody would ever stand me. 
Last week we had our first anniversary and we're happy like we're living in a fairy tail.
But, of course, not everything is sugar coated. We have our differences. I like art and history and he likes video games and Die Hard movies. But we love adventures, traveling and learning about food and we share a special interest in construction and technology. 
But I think I'm going to complain about what most women complain in a relationship: I think I give more than I take back from him. 
I have this feeling that I'm constantly doing what makes him happy (with him asking or not) like cooking his favorite food, or buying him a shirt, or buying that lingerie, or driving to his house because he's too tired to drive back to mine. He does all that back, but less frequently. As I try to do at least one of these thing once a week, he does that once a month or two. 
He's always tired, or sick, or stressed. He does everything I ask, but I feel terrible asking to go to the movies when he's looking so tired. So I find myself lying down on the couch while he exercise his fingers with Call of Duty. I get bored way too easily.
During Christmas I gave him a tattoo and a perfume. I've spent US$700,00 (my salary is 600,00) because I thought he would do the same. I found a bill of my gift... 250,00... I was way disappointed, but it was okay, after all, my shrink said I give monetary value to my gifts while he may consider what makes me happy. But it didn't make me entirely happy. That struck another wall: he doesn't know much about me. Or he doesn't want to know... Because I told him I love jewels, I love clothes... and he gave me moisturizing creams and perfumes. I have a dozen of them... 
What about a ring? Not an engagement ring, but one to show people we're in a serious relationship. I thought he would give me one on our anniversary, but a week has past and he gave me nothing so far. He said he bought me something and he's waiting for it to be delivered. Oh well... It will be the third perfume he gives me... 
He said we shouldn't spend much on each other (well it was his birthday and I gave him a home theater) because we're having money issues... then he goes and spends 140,00 on a board sailing course... that he went with his friends. 
I'm being unfair, like my shrink said. The reason I'm upset is because I make him a priority in my life and he doesn't make me a priority. He does what he wants to do while I seat and wait until he realizes that I want to do something, too. He's enjoying his life while I wait for him to enjoy mine. That's what makes me upset: I mostly wait and he never realizes I'm waiting. My happiness and my will to go out and do things depends on his company. 
I can't depend on him. We have different lives and we should live different lives. We must complete each other and not live for each other. 
Where are all those things I liked doing when I was single?
I should try to rescue what gave me pleasure: painting, reading, writing, walking alone... visiting museums. I must find my myself again before I become unhappy with my waiting and blame all my ghosts on him. 

1 comment:

Louco said...

People call psychologists 'shrink', and still ask me why I don't want to see one; my brain is small enough the way it is! I don't want anybody 'shrinking' it ^_^

I won't say anything different from what you've said yourself, nee-chan. You know what the solution is; do the same as he's doing. Spend some time, and some money, with yourself. Rescue the ordinary and vital pleasures you've always known.

He doesn't want to go to that kind of movie, or to that kind of place? Find a friend who does, or a relative. The guy is okay, as far as I heard, he's helped you fighting off some ghosts - and you know I can't blame anyone for liking videogame, though 'Call of Duty' wouldn't be my personal choice (I was playing 'Skyrim' and 'Uncharted 3' yesterday ^^). Still, I'd think he should spend his time with you, well... 'with you' ^^'

About the ring... Well, guess you've got a point, but give him some credit; at least a week. True, I'd expect him to deliver it in proper time - you know neither Darris nor I can't agree a man letting a woman to wait - but I still think you won't get a perfume this time ^^'

Don't expect too much. Treat yourself as he is treating himself, until you feel the scales are fair. Give it some time, and see if that's what you really like, if you're really happy doing so. Only then, I believe, you're going to know where to go next. and don't give it too much thinking; satisfaction is an issue since always, to everybody.

'I can't get no satisfaction... but I try. And I try. And I try. And I try' ^_^

See ya, little sister. Otouto, in the eye of a storm.